The Bossy Date

The bossy date can be male or female. Often these traits bleed through on the first date, although sometimes the potential date is able to control them to some extent. However, as you continue to date, the traits tend to make themselves apparent. How do you know if you’re on a bossy date? Does your date point out your choice of a movie or entrée is not the best, and then suggests a better one? If so, you have a bossy date.

Bossy dates can make outrageous demands. One man noticed my long hair and insisted I should always wear it down and never cut it. That type of autocratic behavior almost had me cutting my hair, but instead I decided not to see him again.

 A woman on a first date felt free to inform her date that that he would have to stay out of the sun to continue dating her.  She preferred paler men. Here she was, treating a forty-year-old man like a toddler. Why are people bossy on dates? The simple reason is they have a controlling personality. Be aware they will expect to make all the decisions in the relationship because it revolves around them.

Simple clarification here; it is common in some cultures and age groups for the man to order for both. The custom is he asks first before doing so. This is not the sign of a bossy individual. If your date is domineering than he or she wants everything to be their way.

A request to wear your hair a certain way or dress in particular clothes is part of an effort to make you over. This is not okay. You’re an adult and able to dress yourself. Do you want an authoritative date who treats you like a child? This date will soon be correcting your table manners.

I’ve heard strange excuses from women for not dating men, often concerning the man’s eating habits from eating too fast, eating one food at a time, to slurping his soup. I wonder if their complaints centered on the fact they couldn’t change the man to suit their specifications. No man likes to be treated as if they were a child. It took work to get to adulthood and one of the benefits is making your own decisions.

Another reason people behave in a bossy manner is because people are quick to do what they say. Yep, you read that right. A drop dead gorgeous woman may have a man jumping through ridiculous hoops just because she can with no intention of prolonging the relationship. Often when you date out of your league, your date has an elevated belief of his self-worth and feels no qualms about making ridiculous requests. This is how friends with benefits got started.

Then you have the spoiled date. His mother may have assured him that no woman was good enough for him. Daddy would have made sure his little princess got everything her little heart desired. Your date may have had only one relationship in her life where her ex served her as an adoring servant until he got tired of it. Then again, she may have had none, but she expects service as if in a five star hotel.

How do you deal with the bossy date? You make your decisions stick. Don’t waiver when your date shows dislike about your food or movie choice. Why did he ask you if he never intended to let you have a choice? Some people will make a big issue if you refuse their advice. Let this be a lesson to you how things are going to go with this date. He may believe his way is the only right way.

Some people enjoy a date taking charge, but there is a difference between taking charge and not letting you have any input. A man who takes charge knows your likes and plans a special evening with that in mind. Another man plans a golfing weekend in a city featuring a Three Stooges festival without consulting you because he knows you dislike both.

On a first or second date, if your date already shows signs of telling you how it is going to be, get out fast. I wish someone had given the younger me this advice. Spoiler Alert: bossy dates do not equate into good relationships.