Saturday, August 31, 2013

How Not to Act on the First Date ( The Women's Version)

This is the women's version of how to not act. There's a men's version because men and women value and dislike different types of behavior

On a recent visit to an ice cream parlor, I overheard two middle-aged women talking. The one with unnaturally bright hair and wearing a denim mini-skirt bragged she had online men lined up to date her. My sweetie muttered something about her using her picture from twenty years ago.  He then told me I was the only online date he recognized based on my profile picture. It helps that I actually look like my photo.

If you are online dating, make sure your photo is current. You only want to date men who want to go out with you now, not the you when you were twenty years younger. He’ll be mad that you tricked him. You’ll be mad and call him a jerk because he wanted to go out with a much younger looking woman. It isn’t a pretty scenario. What else can you do to screw up a first date? There’s plenty.

You could have the same arrogant attitude as the woman at the ice cream parlor. Women should think they are worthy of being treated well. Then there are women who have the mistaken impression that they are the queen and what a great honor it is for the lowly peasant date to be in her presence. No man wants to feel that he is unimportant.

Then there is the eager to please date. She is like a rambunctious puppy anxious to make her date like her by being agreeable. Often saying she likes things she doesn’t, laughing too loud and long at his jokes and forcing a smile in place at all times. Like the needy puppy she exemplifies, her behavior grows old as the date goes on. The needy date often texts the man several times after the date reminding him how much she loved the date.  She’s too scary over the top for most men

The melancholy date can be initially attractive because the man feels as if he’s the one who can turn her frown upside down. He isn’t. Instead, she revels in tales of lost loves, dead pets or the futility of life itself. The woman may actually suffer from depression, but more likely, she enjoys playing the part of a tragic heroine. By the end of date with terminally sad girl, the man might feel the need to check into Happy Hour somewhere.

The bored date makes no pretense she’s bored. Some women might think this is playing hard to get. She might send and read texts throughout the date. She doesn’t contribute to the conversation. Her eyes wander around the room as if there is some place else she’d rather be. She looks at her watch signaling her eagerness to leave. 

The aimless date is the one who believes a relationship will complete her. She doesn’t like her job. Her friends are idiots. Her dog ran away. Still, she believes the right guy will make everything wonderful. No man wants that type of responsibility.

The ex-date could consist of talking about how wonderful the ex is. It could also be talking about the various people she dated. In the end, the woman spends her time talking about other men when she should be concentrating on her date. The man fears he’s being compared to other men and may be found wanting. No matter if he comes out ahead in the comparison, it’s still an uncomfortable date.

 These all sound like sucky dates, but men all agree the worst date is the angry date. She may not be angry with the man because they just met. Instead, some co-worker did something that made her see red. Meat eaters keep eating animal flesh, which is morally wrong. Her ex is getting married to a nice woman. You get the picture. She has  anger energy and bounces it all off her date. Angry woman are as frightening to most men as crying women.

Decide if you could be any of these dates. If a man has gone out with a previous angry date and you show a flare of outrage, he immediately flashes back to the horrible date. You can laugh off your outburst by referring to it as being passionate. Men do not mind passion, but anger they can’t abide. Ironic, when the emotions are so similar.

First dates are hard. Often we act in ways we don’t normally. This is problematic since you might act like a ditz and he asks you out for a second date. Did he ask you out or your ditz persona? The best you can do is explain that you’re nervous. It might relieve the date who may also be nervous. Studies reveal that at the most we decide if we’re attracted to somehow within ten seconds. Often though, we are attracted to the wrong people for superficial reasons. Dating allows us to get to know one another better.

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