Thursday, October 23, 2014

When Your Dating Profile Doesn’t Produce Results

The seventh season of The Big Bang Theory has Raj and Stuart creating dating profiles. Here’s a clip that highlights some of their issues. In real life, the actor who plays Raj is married to Miss India.

In the beginning, Raj struggles to take a decent photo of Stuart.  Your photos create a mental image of who you are. Whoever is looking at that photo will decide if you work enough to read your profile.

Smiling people are more attractive. It also makes you look younger, less solemn.  Taylor Marsh has an interesting twist on this in her online column. A person has to have joy in his or her life before making a profile. Hate your life or your job? It will come through in your photos and your profile. Going out on a date even with a nice person won’t solve anything. Make sure you have something good going on before composing that profile.

On a recent episode of Dr. Phil, Steve Harvey was on promoting his latest movie and dating site, Delightful. In case, you’re wondering Delightful is different in the aspect that people Skype each other before meeting in person avoiding the bad first date. Dr. Phil and Steve Harvey took the challenge of helping an attractive professional who could never get a second date.  They matched her with a handsome, articulate man. Later, they watched the film footage. The woman introduced herself, explained what she was a second grade teacher, and then launched into a ninety-minute litany of doom and gloom. She even managed to hit on her father’s house possibly catching on fire.

Being pretty didn’t outweigh the negative Nancy effect. Let’s face it; no one likes to be around a negative person. Stuart and Raj are both negative about their ability to attract women. Taylor Marsh points out that we’re often negative in our profiles without being aware of it. Little words give you away.

Don’t use hate, dislike, unemployed, illness, death, depressed, snob, and phobia. These words draw a picture of a whiny individual on his or her last legs, not a good dating prospect. Your profile should be upbeat, fun, and about you. Think of it as a commercial for you. Car commercials never point out a car will break down sometimes. They do. It’s a known, but mentioning it wouldn’t be good policy. Same with you, instead of mentioning you get blue in the winter, say you love summer and hanging out at the beach.

Online dating profile is a tricky thing. There are escort services and those in search of a meal ticket with very explicit profiles. Most women know this and don’t want to be confused with these individuals. Makes sense, but they boomerang the other way. Ms. Marsh points out that a woman should lead with her sensual side. Some people think that means putting up a cleavage revealing shot.

That would attract all the wrong types. Contrary to what you see on television, men aren’t looking for women with perfect bodies. They want someone who feels good about her body and is active. This doesn’t mean you’re an ultra-marathoner either. No matter what your age group, no one wants a rocking chair assignation.

Photos in form fitting clothing, even leggings, would work with no obvious display of skin. Full-length photos are necessary.  Some women shy away because they’re afraid a man won’t date them if they carry weight around their hips. Current photos winnow out this type. Do something active and preferably you love.  If you’ve never ridden a horse, sitting on one won’t work. Not only might you look terrified, but could attract someone who enjoys daily trail rides.

Make sure your profile includes activities that two people can do together. Sure, as a single, you sought out activities a loner could do, but it might be hard to interest a man in an evening filled with scrapbooking or playing with your adorable niece, or your cat, Mittens. These items shouldn’t be on your profile.

Finally, consider why you’d reject someone’s profile. Here’s my top five (in no particular order.)
1.       Mentions recent breakup or divorce. ( Not ready to date)
2.       Declares he’ll only date women of a certain size.
3.       Too far away.
4.       Displays bigotry.
5.       Too obsessive about one thing. (Ex: Running is my life. I couldn’t get through a day without running.)

In the end, you want to be confident, happy, and interesting. Keep in mind; you don’t want to date everyone. It’s okay if people pass you over. They weren’t your type.

If you’re on a niche dating site, the ones for people of a certain race, religion, or profession. They will not have as many people as the big sites do. While online dating introduced me to my forever love, there are scam artists out there. If it sounds like a con, then it is.  

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