Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Man Shopping List

Do you know more women initiate divorce than men? Part of the reason is because they married a man they thought was right for them, but later on found out differently. Often women enter relationships without knowing exactly what they want in a man. Men tend to be more specific. If you are going shopping, it is better to know what you’re looking for so you don’t bring home someone who doesn’t fit.

Here it is the New Year and I failed to make my man shopping list, which might be a bad thing. It depends. According to Arielle Ford (life coach), if I don’t develop my intention about what type of man I desire then who knows who I’ll attract to me, maybe the wrong type. Truth be told, I could have made the list, even started to, but burning it and finding a body of water to release it on was too much work. Considering I would have to sneak out under the cover of night across a private snowy field to get to my body of water, I think my ideal man might be dressed in blue with a gun strapped to his hip. Not that I’m totally against that, but I would like to meet under less felonious conditions.

Marie Forleo, author of Make Every Man Want You, advises against a list. She finds that you tend to overlook men who could be wonderful, but don’t fit the list. Often our lists are things we composed when we were sixteen. Dreamy brown eyes are not a requirement for me anymore. I think that was based on some teen heart throb I was in love with at thirteen. Should looks matter?

This is a struggle if I say they do I sound, well…like a man.LOL If I say they don’t most of you know me for a liar. We women do like certain physical types, but that type may not be the right one for us. I’m guilty of being a reactionary. If I dated a big muscle bound he-man type for the last year I’m definitely not in the market for another. Some women look for certain physical traits such as a deep voice and a tight butt. As for me, I like eyes and hands. Odd combination, I know.

The eyes tell me so much if I am willing to gaze deep. The eyes are the window to the soul. The hands tell what the eyes don’t. It doesn’t matter what a man does for a living any man can keep his hands clean and his nails clipped. Dirty ragged nails are an instant turn-off. So while many women are checking out a man’s backside I am checking out his hands.

Hair used to be really big for me since I have good hair. Maybe I wanted a thick haired man so we could throw our hair around as if we were in a shampoo commercial. My old preference of luxuriant maned men changed after a couple dates with bald men and men who shaved their heads. Bald men can be very hot. Besides at least 25% of men suffer from male pattern baldness do I really want to eliminate that 25%, although I think the percentage is actually higher in my age group.:) Besides really excellent eyes and clean hands, what else matters on the outside?

Personally, I want men who manage to look both calm and content. There is a serenity about them that is palpable. They look happy. Give me a pass on the angry, intense looking men definitely not my style. I used to like the artistic–looking types. You know the ones with soulful eyes, overlong hair, and artistic clothing combinations. They liked me because they could smell job and health plan a mile away.:) No more, like fast food, they were something I gave up to improve my quality of life.

Instead, I went with one of my favorite interior characteristics: brains. How I love an intelligent man! I could gush all over the place about this, but he needs to be quietly intelligent balanced with a sense of humor. An understated dry sense of humor works well with major intelligence. Some guys are determined to prove how intelligent they are…that’s just not smart. No one likes that. I seek out intelligent guys and found you can do that by profession. When I decided I wanted an intelligent and stable guy, my first thought was engineer. My best friend teases me that I have an engineer dating club, but I do like them, a lot. They are so much better than my previous type which was anyone who would ask me out.

Because I went out with men who asked me out because of some misunderstood comment my mother made about being nice to guys who asked me out, I went out with men who were wrong for me. I am all about being physically fit. For pete’s sake, I use to manage a gym and teach aerobics five times a day…I was practically a Hydroxycut advertisement. Still I went out with men who were overweight and the most exercise they got was searching for the remote. I don’t expect my dates to be cut, that would mean they were in better shape than me, but I would like them to be active. I didn’t respect my inactive dates and they weren’t that much fun because I wanted to do active things. Another couch potato might love the idea of snuggling up for endless hours of television, but not me.

Some things I want in a man are pretty intangible. For instance I want a man who is a hard worker, responsible, but at the same time open to adventure. A man who respects himself and what he does, but at the same time doesn’t take himself too seriously. I know this is the type of talk we women do that drives men wild…and not in a good way.:) I want a man who will dance in the rain with me or take off for a weekend road trip. That’s right ladies, I want a paradox. Probably that man doesn’t exist, but I believe he does. In fact, I think there are thousands of single male paradoxes out there. Maybe they are even feeling misunderstood because they can’t be pigeonholed.

Finally, I would want a man with a sense of play. Life can be deadly serious why make it more so. A man with a sense of play can break away from what is expected from time to time even if those moments are private. A sense of play can be as small as challenging each other to a footrace or as far fetched as devising elaborate treasure hunts where the ultimate prize could be very interesting (wink, wink, nod, nod.) I think women would be much more playful if men made the first step. Older woman like to comment that all men are just big children, but they usually say it with a smile meaning they often like it even if they pretend they don’t. Don’t get me wrong on this, I want the whole package.

If I had a classified ad it would read: Wanted: Single intelligent man with a stable career and personality (read mentally healthy.) Must be reasonably fit with interests besides watching television and surfing the net. Should have a sense of humor, a spirit of adventure and a streak of playfulness. Beautiful eyes and hands not required, but would be nice to have. Absolutely must love dogs.

Okay ladies, I guess I did make a list. I do have an intent. According to Arielle, that should draw the man to me. The fact that I even put it online should make the draw so much stronger…or so I think. :) Well, do you have a list? What’s on it?

Next blog: How to make every man want you.


  1. Well... I married an engineer who is a bit of a couch potato with a good sense of humor, mentally healthy most of the time, and loves dogs. Not being an exercise nut myself, I probably should have looked for a more active type to keep me moving, but there are compromises to be made in any relationship.;-)

  2. Cheryl,
    He encourages and supports your writing which makes him head and shoulders above most men. You are a very lucky and TALENTED woman.