Sunday, January 30, 2011

Make Every Man Want You

Make Every Man Want You
… the title of a book by Marie Farleo I’ve been reading. I figured if I am going to be out in the dating world it might be to my advantage to be absolutely irresistible. In the name of scientific research I thought I would give it a try. Since I hadn’t read the book I didn’t know what would be in it.

The last dating book had me ignoring a guy’s calls for a week then mysteriously pop back on the scene without explaining why I wouldn’t answer. Personally, I thought this was bizarre behavior. True, I’d missed calls before and I am in the habit of not listening to voice mail, but this deliberate blow off seemed wrong. To test my theory I asked a man how he would react if a woman he had dated didn’t accept his calls for a week. His response was to accept that she had moved on and to not call her anymore. That seemed like a reasonable reaction it was time to check out another book.

Just like clothes I figured not every dating book fits everyone. Who doesn’t want to be irresistible? As a brunette with an average figure and on the downside of forty I could use help. What makes a person attractive? Before I read the book I imagined myself in heels and a short skirt. But I was so wrong. The first step is to be authentic. Drop all the facades and the games other books have you play. That’s great because I couldn’t remember half of them anyhow.

Second step: live in the moment. Doesn’t almost every book now days say that? But what does it mean? Fully let go of the past. Accept the lessons you learned from it, but let it go. Quit beating yourself up over past mistakes, forgive yourself and move on. Refusing to release the past prevents us from living in the now and enjoying what we do have. My own input here is not live in your date’s past either. There is no reason to rehash why he’s divorced or what his exes did. It will only bring stress to a developing relationship. Focus on the now, the two of you, all the talk about exes brings back bad feelings. It also crowds you out of the picture. What woman wants to sit and listen to her date talk about past lovers? Hello, it’s me over here the woman who is actually here with you.

Still some women do. Then some people actually self mutilate themselves too. They reason how will I prevent whatever happened with his ex from happening with me? You can’t. There are no guarantees in love. Besides you’re not his ex and he’s no longer the man he was then, and the two of you are not reliving the same circumstances as his previous relationships. You can’t step in the same river twice. Why even worry about this? The same with all THOSE questions, you know the ones I mean. Where you ask if you are prettier than his ex? By asking you reveal your insecurities and you’re never happy with the answers. Avoid that whole scenario. Celebrate who you are instead.

Be glad to be you in this very moment. Don’t promise yourself things will be better when you get your roots touched up or when you lose ten pounds. Right now is all you have and be splendid in it. Do your job with enthusiasm. Walk with a bounce in your step and a sparkle in your eye. Smile at people you don’t know and say hello. You will be irresistible. The difference is that you are approachable. The most beautiful woman in the room is not always the one guys flock around. The woman who feels good about herself and in turn makes others feel good draws them like honey.

It is about having confidence, but more about being in the world. Most people live closed up giving out non-verbal messages not to approach them or talk to them. They are consumed with the details of their every day life or even their past to the extent they miss opportunities to interact with others. I believe in the eastern philosophy that people are put in your life for a purpose. Every day you meet people and either they teach you a lesson or you teach them a lesson. We don’t always know what the lesson is though, but by staying out of the flow of humanity we miss what we need to learn. The same lessons are thrown at us again and again because we refused to learn them the first time.

Some women whine that they have the same bad relationship over and over again. They do because they haven’t done the work they needed to do to grow past this stage instead they blame the man. Somehow he’s always at fault, although the woman continues to put out the same signal that attracts the same type of man.

Remember in being irresistible, you attract all types of men you just have to make the right choices regarding who you want to date. Everything is a process, if you talk to him that doesn’t mean you have to go out with him. If you do go out with a guy, but you don’t like him no second date. Anytime it is not working feel free to break it off. Men are not projects you will not change or improve them. So with these thoughts in mind how has my life change?

I used to think despite reading the demographics about there being an abundance of single men, I thought there were none. No men whatsoever in my area, that I would want to date or that would date me. Suddenly, it’s raining men. Single men around my age, some a bit older, even younger are starting up conversations with me in frozen food aisle, at the gym, even at church. Mostly I smile and try to say something pleasant or clever back while I try to deal with the shock. Where did all these men come from and why are they so nice…and interested?

The other day I went to the gym while the football game was on and it was blaring through the gym guaranteeing some men stood transfixed with their eyes on the game. Remember ladies, this is the gym, I do not dress up for the gym. With my hair up in a pony tail, no makeup, and figure skimming gym clothes plus glasses, three different guys made a determined hit on me. One almost made me fall on my treadmill since he used the bad boy approach I read about in one of the dating books. Another followed me on the Nautilus circuit, doing every machine after me so there would be conversation in between. Still another guy garbed in his swimsuit and did his best to lure me into the pool with him. I’ve been a member of the same gym for over a year and I’ve never had this reaction. Sure, Marie’s book is helping me to become more approachable, and I did show up in single man hour obviously, but on the outside I am the same person it is my inner view that has changed.

Before I spent all my time beating myself up about what I wasn’t. Men wouldn’t be attracted to me because I wasn’t blonde , busty or had a cutesy high pitched voice. Instead I bemoaned my dark hair, slender figure and husky voice. When I accepted myself for who I was then I was able to see that plenty of people found me irresistible. A woman who likes herself naturally sends out positive feelings. Who doesn’t want to be around a happy person, their mood is infectious. As for the book, Make Every Man Want You is well worth a read. You also might want to conduct some research too. Let me know how it goes.


  1. I guess somewhere along the line I was taught (or decided) to check out every man I see, but never make eye contact. I rarely get caught boy-watching, but one day I was standing in line at CVS and a man walked through the door and I thought, "Wow, he's really cute!" I'm so used to being invisible, it never occurred to me that he might notice the pleased expression I broadcast in his direction, but he did. He looked at me and smiled, almost as if he knew me, or wanted to. I, of course, quickly averted my eyes. Like I said, I rarely get caught...

  2. Cheryl,

    You're too funny. I think all women manwatch to an extent. My son used to lifeguard at a local pool when the guys from the swim team showed up in their speedos to practice the older women in water aerobics became very vocal and evcn whistled.LOL

  3. Unfortunately, the guys on the swim team are the only ones who wear speedos anymore. Out on the beach, you're lucky to see anything above the knee at all! So sad...