Sunday, April 29, 2012

When He Doesn't Call




You met a great guy. Perhaps you went out a few times. Maybe you thought something would really come out of this relationship, then, he doesn’t call. First, it is a couple of days, a week, maybe even three weeks. It’s obvious he’s not calling. Many women will immediately call him, an awkward conversation ensues, then he immediately blocks her number.


It is possible he lost your number, but it is rather rare. Most men have the woman’s number in their cell phone or it’s attached to the email you sent him. He could have written it down somewhere on a calendar or a scrap of paper. Still if you believe he lost it or you feel like being pro-active, then text him, don’t call. If you call, you may slip into a whiny attitude and attack him for not calling. A text can be short, even flirty, but should never mention he didn’t call. Instead, it reminds him there is a fun female out there he might want to see again. It also allows you to save face too.


Why hasn’t he called since you thought everything was working out so well? There is a chance he felt things were moving too fast. You made the mistake of calling him your boyfriend, and mentioned introducing him to friends. You may have talked about the future. You know what I mean. Those questions about what type of house does he wants to live in, and what neighborhood, as in the two of you. Even men intent on marrying tend to get nervous when those questions come up.


Maybe you were feeling so close and personal that you confessed some fairly intimate details. Could have been the tequila talking, but you still revealed you cheated on your last boyfriend. Your personal sin could have been stealing from your company, or that you fake orgasms. Whatever it is, your current date didn’t like it, and has deleted your name from his phone. There really are no do-overs because it will stick in his mind.


Have you ever gone out with a guy and the longer you dated him the less you liked him? You come to the point where you decide never to see him again. Happens to guys too, but with technology being what it is they just cut all contact. He doesn’t call, text, or email. This is his message that things aren't working out. You represent too many “can’t tolerate” as opposed to “must have” on his list of girlfriend qualities. He didn’t know this initially, but found out through various scenarios. One male co-worker informed me that women will keep up a façade for as long as 90 days, before exposing their real self. I noticed that was the length of most of his relationships.


He doesn’t call because he is busy with an old girlfriend or ex-wife. Nothing makes a man look more delicious than being involved with another woman. Often it brings out the competitive spark. Some men decide to date to encourage the jealousy spark. It doesn’t matter who started the fire--all you need to know is they’re having a bonfire, and you’re not invited.


You may have read the signs wrong entirely. He may not even consider that you’re dating. Do you only talk at work? Did you share a cup of coffee or a meal with other people? Did he ask for your number? Did you offer it without him asking? Many men will take your number with no intention of calling you. They think it is the polite thing to do. Some men will even ask for your number as a way of ending the conversation with no desire to follow up with a call.


Then there is the guy who calls infrequently, maybe every two months. He’s not a man who squires you around to the finer establishments. In fact, he’s good with grabbing a pizza and hanging out at your house. You think you have a relationship because you share some sack time. You are a friend with benefits. As one of my high school students put it, a FWB is someone you wouldn’t be seen in public with, but puts out. How do you know if you’re a FWB? Does he NOT introduce you to his friends, or family? Are you NOT seen in public at high profile events? Does he call you sporadically and want to drop by? If so, then you are.


Then there is the guy who is already in a relationship. He flirts with you because it feeds his ego. Even though he took your number, he has no plans to call you. Maybe he bet his friends that he could get five women’s number before the night was over. In the end, if he did call, you’d probably become a friend with benefits. Maybe you flatter yourself and declare that you can take him away from his current girlfriend or wife. Maybe you can, but then you only have a man who will leave you eventually too.


You met him. Both of you felt an amazing connection. You jumped into bed immediately and it was great, and yet no call. He has moved onto a new challenge (read: new female.) Men do not feel the same attachment after sex that women do. Often, they feel no attachment at all in early stages of dating--that’s why he doesn’t call.


In the end, if he doesn’t call, move on. He is giving you a powerful message--the biggest one is that he’s not that into you. The second message is that he’s just rude. If he ever does call, act confused, make him repeat his name, then pause, as if thinking who he might be. A man can’t pursue a woman who is chasing him. Yyou have to decide if he is worth giving another chance. Keep in mind if he disappeared off the radar screen once, he could do it again.


  1. From a guys point of view, sometimes men will take your number but still be on the fence about whether to call or not... they need to go home and sleep on it to try to decide whether to pursue or not... if you're at all interested, then please text... it's all the encourgement that men need... you'll be surprised how well it works...

    1. I'll keep this is mind, Herr Stamm, when that special someone doesn't call. Thanks.