Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Girl Friend Lies


Ever watch the movie; He’s Not That Into You? The women in the movie spend the entire film length telling each other relationships lies. My husband wondered aloud, why would they do such a thing that causes the other women’s relationship to go into free fall? Well, it’s two-fold, often women tell each other lies because it is what they know the woman wants to hear, even though it is not true. The second reason is a little more devious because they want the relationship to fail for the friend. Perhaps they have their eye on the guy, or maybe they’re just petty and jealous.

About now, you are wondering what are the lies? First one is the soul mate lie. Scarlett Johansen’s character meets up with a married man who flirts with her. Her character finds herself drawn to the man, but questions if she should pursue him. Her friend condones the chase, by saying that he’s her soul mate, and adds on some long-winded urban legend about a married man meeting his soul mate at a church function.  Most people realize a married man who cheats on his wife, will continue to cheat no matter who that wife might be. Why did he wander if the first place? It wasn’t because his wife was so bad, but the novelty drew him, and it always will.

The second lie girlfriends tell each other is the commitment lie. Often people choose to live together without marriage and are happy until the lie. Women will tell other woman a man isn’t serious unless he marries you. The woman told the lie, goes home picks a fight with her guy, often moves out making the lie a self-fulfilling prophecy.  They might fight, then, manage to work it out, or even force the guy into marriage he resents.

The third lie girlfriends like to tell each other is that a man is interested in their friend when he really isn’t. Usually this is to boost up her self-esteem, but often it has disastrous consequences. In the movie, angelic-faced Ginnifer Goodwin tries too hard to get men to like her. They blow her off with a “see ya around” or even a business card. Because her girlfriends tell her the guy likes her she takes this information and becomes a stalker, calling, and frequenting places she last saw the man. Ironically, the bartender at the local watering hole tries to explain to her if a man doesn’t call you, then he’s not interested. She’s not a believer.

Another girl friend tells her, she needs to be pro-active and call him.  She listens to the girlfriend, as opposed to the man.  Calling or bumping into guys doesn’t work because they aren’t into her.  If a man is interested in you, he will find a way to pursue you. Forget about the stories of losing your number, forgetting your name, etc. Ironically, women feel the need to pursue men taking away the man’s role in the relationship.

There are a series of lies girlfriends tell you to protect your feelings. One is not telling you when she sees your man with someone else. Of course, the flipside of this is when she sees him with his cousin, sister, or a work colleague she makes it into romantic tryst and tells everyone. The man has to do all sorts of damage control to come out of the situation clean.

The worse lie is probably you can do better than him which is told when a girlfriend wants to cheat on her decent boyfriend or husband. By lying, she feeds into her friend’s fantasy that everything will work out. Her kids will forgive her for chasing after a bad boy.  The dangerous bad boy will transform into a loving husband and stepfather. Yep, there’s also someone willing to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge too.

It is obvious these lies have bad consequences. Why do women believe them? On the basic level, the women want affirmation for behavior they understand is wrong. They want their girlfriends to urge them to take the dangerous path. If their girlfriends agree, can it be so wrong? Most of us know the right thing to do, but seek validation from others before doing it. Unfortunately, our friends don’t always give good advice. Females as a whole are social. To encourage the social dynamic, they tend to tell people what they want to hear as opposed to the truth. A good friend would tell you the truth.

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