Monday, March 18, 2013

Dating Fatigue

What is it and why is it dangerous? I was reading a blog written by a woman dating multiple men. It sounded more as if she went out on a series of first dates. Her main complaint was that she was so tired of dressing up and being charming that dating had lost its appeal. How often could she tell her life story and pretend to be fascinating? She concluded that the men she went out with were average fellows with no obvious weirdness, but she couldn’t get excited about any of them. That woman needed a break. There was no way she’d find that special someone when she treated each one like a visit to the dentist. People give back the energy you send to them.

 The problem she wrestled with was time. Many people worry that they are missing out on meeting that special someone. It could be because they feel their biological clock is ticking, and it just isn’t the baby clock either. Most online daters are in their fifties. They feel like time is running out for them to find someone to make the remaining years special. One fiftyish man on a Huffington Post interview admitted he only wanted to go with young babes because women his age had lost the dream. I think they had the dream stolen from them. The one where they would grow old with their beloved spouse. If it isn’t enough to wrestle with daily stresses of family, work, and money, then throw in menopause and dating. That’s enough to make a woman consider the act of dating exhausting.

The single mother has extreme issues with dating fatigue. It is so much work to get a dependable setter. Often the father doesn’t take the kids on his allotted weekend or wants to switch them, throwing a wrench into her dating plans. Often the custodial mother resents her ex’s ability to move on and date a variety of women while she juggles childcare and work. It is hard to meet men, let alone be able to follow it up with a regular relationship while attempting to keep the kids out of it. Nothing kills a budding relationship like demanding children. Often this makes the young mother make bad decisions, from affairs with married men, to jumping in a relationship with the wrong guy. All she knows is she wants things to be easier. Often it is easier to marry a willing man rather than shop around for the right man. After all, dating with children is often the equivalent of training for a marathon. There seems to be no end in sight.

One woman in her forties wrote in for online dating advice. She’d dated a variety of men and had several relationships with bad boys who cheated on her. She decided that all men were alike. Her solution was to hook up with one of her exes and reform him into the ideal husband. Anyone out there screaming, “Are you kidding?” It made sense to her because she was tired of dating. Well, her plan will never work. People can’t change other people. Sometimes they pretend to change to please the other person until they can’t take it anymore, then they leave. Her real issue is the type of men she is chasing.

It is difficult to admit that going out night after night gets old. Your married friends may envy you seeing the latest movies and going to premiere restaurants. It seems wrong to complain. It is okay to want to stay home in your jammies and watch sappy movies. It is also okay to take a break. You don’t need anyone’s permission. If you are turning dates aside, just say no, don’t make up stupid excuses. Your potential date will smell the lie. Don’t assume an air of desperation that you have to accept every date or you will end up alone. Decide to do things you want to do. Something unusual might happen--not only will you get your second wind, you might also meet someone when you aren’t trying.

Always keep in mind when dating-it is much worse to be in a bad relationship than to be alone. A bad relationship can destroy both your self-esteem and credit rating. A cheating companion can pass on diseases while swearing he loves only you. A demanding or mentally unbalanced mate can destroy your mental health and credibility. A controlling romantic partner will dictate what hobbies and friends you can have. A superficial lover will always find ways to find you lacking due to your appearance, weight, or bedroom performance. Then there is the addicted sweetie who rationalizes his abusive treatment, blaming it on the alcohol or drugs. If you are putting up with any of these behaviors, then you definitely need a break. So take one.

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