Monday, March 4, 2013


Has your online Romeo rejected you? Ever wonder why a person who you’ve never even met, let alone talked to, rejected you via online dating? Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of online dating. Before you become too excitable in your dislike, remember your luck in the smoky bar atmosphere where you shouted over the music. There was the hiking club, the astronomy group, and the singles travel cruise all guaranteed to help you meet a possible mate. They were all good things. You may have met a few people you thought had possibilities, until you found out they didn’t.

What’s with online date rejection before you even meet? How do you reject a person you never met? Aren’t online daters desperate lonely losers and online dating is their last chance? Well, you’d be wrong if you thought that. If you were under the impression, the people whose profiles you received would be extremely lucky to go out with you because they couldn’t do any better, then you’d be wrong again.

John M Grohol, PSYD, author of Who Uses Internet Dating discovered that online clientele tends to be more social than previously thought.  Consider how much courage it takes to meet new people night after night. The average age of an online dater is forty-eight--plenty of time to develop social skills. The Match and eHarmony users usually have high self-esteem and consider a romantic relationship an important part of their life. A person with low esteem won’t participate in online dating or discontinues after one or two rejections.

Why do potential dates never respond to your initial inquiry? This is the main complaint from folks who purchased online dating services.  They might be flooded with dozens of profiles, but few actually answer inquiries. One reason is their account isn’t active. All dating sites keep inactive members  to plump up membership numbers. They also do it to encourage the inactive members back. The inactive member gets an email occasionally that twenty women are interested in him. It works many times, but usually if the person is in a relationship, he ignores the message.

If the account is active and the intended person does get your wink or questions then why doesn’t he or she answer? did a survey to come up with answers.  Many men complained of bad teeth, hair and grammar. There is probably not a lot you are going to do about your teeth, unless you whiten them. Men, even back 150 years ago, consider lack of abundant hair reason not to marry a woman. Men still prefer women with long hair. They settle for clean, styled, and colored locks. Men do not want to date women with gray hair because it makes them look old.

 As for your grammar, take time when writing your profile and  emails to get it right. The man may not be looking for an English teacher, but he wants to feel that he is important enough that you will take time to draft a decent response. Wouldn’t you do this for the love of your life?

Debt is another tricky issue. Both sexes refuse to consider relationships with people who have over $5000 in debt or major school loans. The result is if things work out, then his debt will be your debt. It is best not to get started if the person has overwhelming debt. How this is found out before dating boggles the mind.

Distance is an issue for both men and women. Three hours seems to be the limit. Employed people do not have time to drive six hours round trip, so after they Mapquest a distance, and find it is too far away they may just delete your profile. It is hard to know when people don’t tell you. If you aren’t even up to exchanging emails you can’t really tell the person why you aren’t seeing them.

Your photos might be turning people off, and not for the usual reasons. If you are holding onto a drink, or a beer bottle in any of the pictures, you are an alcoholic. Women tend to assume this more than men. If you’re a woman and you’re shown drinking, then it is assumed you are a party girl who will be out every night. The quiet astronomer or high earning engineer will delete your profile immediately. Some people do not get the courtesy of a hello because they are too good looking. Yes, you heard me right. Too good looking is now a pitfall. People assume you will be a cheater. If you sexed up the pictures with bikini or cleavage shots, then that shows your cheating nature too.

Ironically, in the same Match survey why people reject dates also considers being a virgin a liability too. When you consider the average age is 48, it makes sense. More women than men considered low sex drive and poor bed performance as deal breakers. This explains some of those stilted leading questions.

Often after the initial date, the person refuses to respond, let alone initiate a second date or will not agree to another date. What went wrong? A whopping 67% of online daters named poor hygiene as a date stopper. Interestingly, the second deal breaker was laziness. If the man or woman thought their date was lazy, then they would refuse to pursue a relationship.

These are some of the top reasons a person might ignore you. Unfortunately, the online dating formats no longer support a way to respond why you choose not to respond to someone.  It could be a variety of things from developing a relationship with someone else, to not being interested in a relationship at this time, or even resemblance to an ex. In the end, you probably can do nothing without knowing, but it might be wise to check your grammar and your hygiene, and your profile photos.

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