Sunday, June 15, 2014

The Importance of Being Real

I will willingly admit to watching  I Wanna Marry Harry where twelve women compete for the affections of a Prince Harry lookalike. Finding and marrying a prince is almost every young girl’s dreams especially if she’s watched Disney movies. To be fair to Fox who produces the show, they never ever tell the females they are dating Harry. However, the women arrive in England, stay in a castle, and experience the royal treatment. Cut to the chase, our fake prince wants to be loved for who he is. However, despite the women fighting over the humble Brit, they could be repulsed when they discover he doesn’t even own a car, let alone a crown.

The first response is that the women were gold diggers. It would be easy to say the women must be stupid not to realize the royals would never allow the show to happen. A couple hold doctorates, so that isn’t the answer. The women want to believe that they could attract the attention of a prince. Being a prince is part of the package that makes the man desirable.

It’s ironic that many people entering the dating world decide to pad out or disguise their real package. The men stand beside expensive sports cars, yachts or planes they don’t own for photos. Then they are upset with dates who reject them when they find out the truth. Keep in mind; they attracted women who wanted that particular package.

The same is true with men who post photographs attempting extreme sports. A bookish accountant posts a pic of the one time he skied and meets a competitive skier. She expects him to understand her devotion to the sport. Trapped in a half lie, he endures going to various trials, ski gear shows, and hanging out with her ski friends. Not only does he feels trapped, but maybe a combination of being overwhelmed and discovery haunt the developing relationship.

Women who've had plastic surgery eventually come to resent the men who like them due to the plastic surgery. They insist they want someone who loves for who they really are. It is hard to find someone who loves you for you are when you aren’t presenting the real package. It is rather like the star of I Wanna Marry Harry resenting the women who wanted to marry a prince.

 Men and women both work to create what they believe is a desirable package, especially if they are making a re-entry into the dating world. Often you see women in too tight clothes, too dark tan, too much makeup, and obviously colored hair; it is the just divorced look. Men have their own version of this that includes tight jeans, gelled hair and sunglasses.

Everyone has heard the old adage about people in a relationship letting themselves go. What if they didn’t let themselves go, but reverted to who they really were? Many whirlwind romances often dissolve after marriage with people claiming they married a stranger.

Part of the problem is people are afraid to be who they really are. Their fears are that who they are isn’t enough to attract a partner. With all their work to be someone other than who they are, they ended up attracting someone who wouldn’t be a good match. Often people, ignore the signs, that a person isn’t a good fit because they want a relationship so much.

The failure of the flawed relationship compounds the erroneous belief that who they are isn’t enough.  It is hard to attract the right person who would be perfect for you when you are working hard to be someone else. The first step is to realize you are a desirable, valuable individual just the way you are. Once you do that, you’ll eventually attract someone who loves you for you.

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