Reality Check

We often wonder why dating is not working out. It could be a reality check is needed. Are you more concerned about being right or happy? Ironically, we want to be both, but end up being neither. Part of the reason is we believe in media-fabricated lies. Those same lies are coming from our friends too.

#1 Everyone is dating but me. Actually, 25% of your friends, co-workers and acquaintances improve their dating status. That means if they aren’t dating, they manufacture some flirting, or a few single dates. A person who has a few dates infers more than one date, or a budding relationship. Depending on your associates, the number might be higher.

#2 Online dating sites are full of jerks. I assumed this once because of the sporadic replies to my inquiries or winks. That’s before I found out not only do sites keep closed accounts, but sell them to other online dating organizations to increase their numbers. Out of the twenty men you winked at, maybe only one of them was active.

#3 Only people on dating sites lie. Some do, definitely, but are all those guys at the bar telling you the truth? Your friends who fix you up often embellish the truth too. Of course, you’ve never stretched the truth in regards to your weight, age, or how long you’ve been divorced. People lie every day, but the important thing is what they lie about. Marital status should be the lie that concerns you the most.

#4 Super Model Syndrome. This is where a man believes he merits a super model. Women expect some gorgeous millionaire charmer. If you think you landed such a man, then you probably have a liar. Often, a handsome man can spin a lie better than an average fellow can. The reason this works is that women want to believe.

#5 The right woman can reform a bad boy. Thousands of women treasure that hope. Only a bad boy can change his ways. A woman falling for his tired lines only plumps up his ego, and does not change his attitude, or guarantees him sticking around. 

#6 Women want equality but not on the first date. When it comes to paying, they want the man to pay and they expect men to pay. When they don’t, they consider the man a cheapskate. As the relationship develops, women will share expenses. Often, they do not go out again with men who expect them to split expenses on the first date.

#7 Numbers don’t matter. Actually, they do. Only a few of us can meet the right person after dating in the single digits. Everyone knows someone who married their childhood sweetheart, but also knows ten other people who divorced their high school sweetie.

#8 Ex-lovers can remain friends. For whatever reason, many people believe they can be friends with an ex.  At best, the friend excuse is a ploy to monitor an ex’s activities. This is so wrong because it will only end up upsetting you.

#9 Tall men are better. Remember how upset you’d get when you were passed over for a D-cup blonde? Maybe you grumbled that you had so much more to offer, which you did. The road goes both ways.

#10 The third date rule where people jump in bed to judge compatibility. This is a non-rule and allows people to confuse compatibility with chemistry. Men often quit seeing the woman because the pursuit ended, while women try to push a mediocre relationship if they slept with a date.

#11 Love conquers all. This is a fairy tale. Love doesn’t conquer an interfering ex, long distance hardships, money or sexual issues. Often people from very diverse backgrounds expect everything to work out because they love each other.

#12 Intelligent women intimidate men. The movies and television shows lead you to believe that. It’s not true. Men prefer women who can hold an intelligent conversation.  

#13 Men prefer assertive women. If by assertive you mean aggressive the answer is no. A casual glance, an interested smile, or flirty banter is okay, but texting repeatedly, liking everything your potential honey puts on Facebook, even casually dropping by to chat is over the line.

#14 You can fall in love without ever meeting in person. You need to qualify this with you fall in love with someone you create in your head as opposed to the actual person. Ironically, when these people meet they often do not suit because they didn’t fit the image each other created.

There are other myths, but these are a good starting place.