Saturday, April 20, 2013

Stalkers, Part Two

If you ever watched a movie of the week, you’ll see some creepy guy lurking in the shadows usually clutching a butcher knife. The premise is the man doesn’t know the woman well, but has fixated on her for some reason. That isn’t the case with most stalkers because they do know you and feel that they are entitled to both your time and interest. They aren’t all men either. Women are quickly becoming equal when it comes to stalking. This is due to social media making it so much easier.

Often a stalker is someone without a strong support network of friends and associates. Truly, if he had something better to do than hack into your social media accounts and lurk in your job parking lot, he would. There are types of stalkers as explained by Stalking Risk Profile which is the combined product of six mental health experts.

The stalker you are probably best acquainted with is the Rejected Suitor. He may have asked you for a date, which you refused or you may have went on date and it was so miserable you vowed never to repeat it. In the suitor’s mind, it is a waiting game. You may have been in a relationship with the stalker too.  Often he seems to both hate and desire you simultaneously. The suitor wants you back, but sometimes he wants revenge because you rejected him.

The Resentful Stalker feels that somehow you put one over on him or her.  There is a need for revenge that may build as he or she feels victimized by your uncaring attitude.  Of course, you are usually unaware of what you’ve done to merit this treatment.

The Intimacy Seeker Stalker usually does not know the victim, but he or she would like to. These people often attach to celebrities. A case in point is the woman who snuck into David Letterman’s house claiming she was his wife. She had been stalking him for months.

The Incompetent Suitor does not successfully date, so he picks an acquaintance or even a stranger to fixate upon for romantic purposes. His goal is to get a date or a short-term sexual relationship.

The Predatory Stalker is often male, and targets strangers. His interest is sexual and often the stalking behavior provides some form of sexual gratification.

Are you being stalked? Here are ten basic signs.

1.       Someone lurking around your neighborhood or workplace. Once might be coincidence, twice weird, but three times, no way.

2.       Being watched. You know the feeling, but when you look around your stalker looks away making you feel a trifle embarrassed for suspecting him.

3.       Repeated phone calls. These aren’t daily check-in phone calls with your sweetie, but calls from someone you have no relationship with.  They may be hang-up calls.

4.       Inappropriate gifts-these may start out as sweet, but when you refuse his overtures, they become weird, and often pornographic to punish you.

5.       Finding yourself in need of being rescued. This is when your car breaks down, and suddenly your stalker shows up to rescue you. Isn’t it odd he knew your car would break down?

6.       Manipulation. Sometimes this takes the form of filing lawsuits against whoever he is stalking because it puts him in contact with his victim.

7.       Internet Stalking. This can be as little as forwarding several cute photos or jokes. Later, he can ask you about them.

8.       Defamation of Character or Insults. He is trying to run you down, embarrass you so you’ll withdraw from your support network.

9.       Violence. He might break into your home or vandalize your car. Often the threat of violence to someone important to the victim causes the victim to cave into the stalker’s demands.

10.   Cumulative Unwanted Contact of any Kind- this might be something non-threatening, but viewed over a month timetable it is excessive.

You are convinced you have a stalker, what should you do.  Tell your friends, travel with people as opposed to being alone, some online guides advise you to talk to the stalker and tell him to stop. Never talk to your stalker.  You will only be giving him what he wants. Make sure you have blocked the stalker from your social networks and phone. Better yet, lay low from the social networks because he can use someone else’s account to visit.

Keep a record of your stalker’s behavior, gifts, threats, appearances, etc., then, call the police. Technically, they won’t do much except file a report, but they are on alert in case you do call in an emergency, and will treat it as such. Change up your routine since he apparently knows it. If need be move in with someone else for a while. Always carry a charged cell phone.

Men should never underestimate the danger of a woman spurned. Many women have found that they suffer no consequences for stalker behavior because men do not report them. So, they continue to stalk.

Do not discount woman on woman stalking either. Often it can be your ex’s new, but unstable girlfriend. It can also be someone from work who resents you. It can be a girl crush too. Take the same precautions because often women can be much more vengeful than men.

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